There was a time when I thought about dying... I wasn't the most popular person in school... there were certain kids who made fun of me every day and made me feel like shit about myself. These are the people I lied to to impress... yeah, they still weren't impressed. They still made me cry just about every day when I went home. Still made me look at myself in the mirror and see nothing but ugly, stupid, and unworthy. I thought about taking a ton of pills and going to sleep and just not waking up... on a number of occasions.
In the end, I put on my This Time Around CD instead of taking those pills. I escaped from my world and soaked myself in that album. To this day if I'm having a bad day I can put that album in and absorb into it and it's like the pain drifts from me... especially when I get to enjoy it live. ;0)
I am alive today because I found what it is that I need to do to get myself through tough times. Some people drink... some smoke... some scream and break things... some cut... I listen to This Time Around. In the last 10 years it has gotten me through some really really hard times. Times I didn't think I could live through. And it turns out that all those things that seemed unbearable at the time look like scraps of what the next hard times look like. And yet I keep making it through. I keep my head up. And I get stronger as a person every time. That's the way it should be.
I'm having a hard time dealing with something right now... thank God I had a Hanson concert right smack in the middle of this. It is keeping my spirits higher. Keeping me going forward when all I feel like doing is curling up in my bed and sleeping until things are better. I've been listening to This Time Around basically every day... cranking it up on my way to and from work... singing full volume regardless of if anyone is looking at me. It heals me. It strengthens me.
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