Quite a few times actually...
The largest space of time, and the time that I felt the most serious about getting out was from seventh grade through about ninth... maybe tenth grade. Seventh and eighth were the hardest for me... I was made fun of daily. I was made fun of for the music I listened to, how I run, my clothes, you name it. They were mean. They made me cry. They made me hate myself. They made me hate life.
I got through that and was okay for the rest of high school. Then being in a relationship with my now kids' dad made me want to get out a few times....
2006 was absolute horror to me. I had just had a really bad year in 2005 (postpartum depression with a newborn who was absolutely evil... I was fat... and over all just felt really bad about myself) and he decided that it was the perfect time to decide he wanted to be single. Going to strip clubs and spending HUNDREDS of dollars a night... yelling at me over anything and everything... and finally I moved out into my mom's house where there ended up being weeks at a time where Shia and I didn't see him. I was madly in love with him at the time... all I could see was him out with other girls while I was at home taking care of our child. I felt like if I had been better... If I had done something different. I felt horrible and was doing whatever I could to make myself feel better. Those choices just hurt me worse. If I didn't have Shia (and my This Time Around CD) it probably would have been a bigger mess than it was.
2007 was another tough year, but not one where I wanted to end it... I was pregnant with my prince... my sweet baby boy. That and Shia were enough to hold me strong that year. I was even fairly happy through all the bullshit.
There has been a bunch of random really bad stuff since then. And this year has been pretty tough. But definitely not one that has made me consider getting out of it. Just makes me look forward, hoping for better times. Hopefully I'll get there.
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